Mar 1, 2010

Regret

(photo taken without permission from the post secret blog)

I was following my usual Monday morning protocol of browsing the Post Secret blog with a fresh cup of dark coffee when I came across this "secret". It's damaging one for me, for reasons only one other person knows. Every single aspect of it speaks to a decision I made 8 years ago at the fresh young age of 20. That decision undeniably would have altered the trajectory of my life. In a great way. Now 8 years later, I stumble upon this random person's secret on a website and am forced to ponder what regret means.

I hear a lot of people throw out the stock line that they don't believe in regret. I've been that person, many times over.

It's true, my decisions have led me to where I am, to my understanding of myself, of what I want and where I would like to be headed. I like that. I am a fan of where I am in my progression as a person, I'm excited to see what this life will bring.

However to say that I am not curious about what life could have looked like is not honest. To say I wouldn't go back and make a different decision (regardless of sacrificing the awareness and existence of present-day me) is not honest.

Without thinking, I would absolutely rewind 365 x 8 (sue me for not opening up my calculator on my celly) and ride out that decision. Would it change the way I think about myself, my decisions and my growth? Absolutely. But that chance has to be measured by what I could have gained in the process.

The only thing I can take from this stark realization that life could have (and probably should have) looked different is that I must live much more pragmatically. This random person's "secret" is a reminder of the amazing outcomes of seeming haphazard decisions. This "secret" means I must be aware how delicate people and opportunities are in life.

Ironically, it was that fateful decision 8 years ago that allows me to even understand the full depth of regret. I might not have never known. Scarily, I still might not have never known what I was missing. Crazy.

(note: I'm aware at how vague this post is... don't care. Check out below if you want to know who this blog is for :P)
blog comments powered by Disqus