Regret

(photo taken without permission from the post secret blog)

I was following my usual Monday morning protocol of browsing the Post Secret blog with a fresh cup of dark coffee when I came across this "secret". It's damaging one for me, for reasons only one other person knows. Every single aspect of it speaks to a decision I made 8 years ago at the fresh young age of 20. That decision undeniably would have altered the trajectory of my life. In a great way. Now 8 years later, I stumble upon this random person's secret on a website and am forced to ponder what regret means.

I hear a lot of people throw out the stock line that they don't believe in regret. I've been that person, many times over.

It's true, my decisions have led me to where I am, to my understanding of myself, of what I want and where I would like to be headed. I like that. I am a fan of where I am in my progression as a person, I'm excited to see what this life will bring.

However to say that I am not curious about what life could have looked like is not honest. To say I wouldn't go back and make a different decision (regardless of sacrificing the awareness and existence of present-day me) is not honest.

Without thinking, I would absolutely rewind 365 x 8 (sue me for not opening up my calculator on my celly) and ride out that decision. Would it change the way I think about myself, my decisions and my growth? Absolutely. But that chance has to be measured by what I could have gained in the process.

The only thing I can take from this stark realization that life could have (and probably should have) looked different is that I must live much more pragmatically. This random person's "secret" is a reminder of the amazing outcomes of seeming haphazard decisions. This "secret" means I must be aware how delicate people and opportunities are in life.

Ironically, it was that fateful decision 8 years ago that allows me to even understand the full depth of regret. I might not have never known. Scarily, I still might not have never known what I was missing. Crazy.

(note: I'm aware at how vague this post is... don't care. Check out below if you want to know who this blog is for :P)

Long Time Gone

Wow, I can't even remember how long it has been since I visited The Saints Cry....let along how long it's been since I thought about writing here. It wasn't necessarily an issue of motivation, or inspiration, rather a question of validity and purpose.

I don't know exactly how many "bloggers" are out there, or the number of blogs that exist in the webisphere, but I do know that there are a lot more people who have blogs than those that take them seriously. While looking at the whole phenomenon, I've been forced to look at my own reasons for writing and discovered that this process MUST be about my desire to reflect what's going on and what I'm thinking about for myself, for me. Not because there are people out there who are reading this with any real interest on what I am thinking. To think otherwise is to mislead myself. To conjure up some grandeur and self-importance.

This place is my vent. It is my mind. It is my hope. It's a place where I can come to rant and rave, to place importance on issues that I wish were more important. To enlighten one insignificant, imaginary locale with words of blessing, wisdom and clarity. If the only soul that is affected by such words is mine? Then thank God for that place.

All that being said, I'm back. More quotes, articles, thoughts to follow.