Sometimes I wish we all walked around with this sign hanging from our necks, so I wouldn't feel like the only one who has blown some really important things in his/her life.

Regret is funny, and sad, but still funny. So much is said about moving on, "whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" answers to pacify those gut wrenching moments, where right and wrong stands before you and you dig deep to find you don't have the strength. At least I haven't had the strength. More times than I am comfortable with.

More than anything, the things that I have done to lose or push away those who meant and continue to mean a lot to me, hurts the most. I think I'm found at times asking what if I had just done a little more, explained a little less, been more vulnerable.... It is those questions, those "what if's" that seem to haunt long after a situation has come and passed. Who knows these things? Even more, who can afford to dwell on them? But that's the nature of kicking oneself I suppose.

I'm just looking for a way to stop the beating.