Alone in a Crowded World


"Who has not, at some time, been lonely in the midst of a social event? The feeling of our separation from the rest of life is most acute when we are surrounded by it in noise and talk. We realize then much more than in moments of solitude how strange we are to each other, how estranged life is from life.... The walls of distance, in time and space, have been removed by technical progress; but the walls of estrangement between heart and heart have been incredibly strengthened."

~~ Paul Tillich
The Shaking of the Foundations

This thought from Paul Tillich has had me thinking for some time. Right now, I sit in my Young Life office, I stare out the window at Burbank High School. I watch kids walk in and out, walk down the sidewalk, past my car, by my window...and I wonder, "do they feel like me?" That somehow, despite (or perhaps because) all of the people, the commotion, the noise, the "things" that I have going on in my life, I still feel alone. I find myself longing for those few rare relationships, those "soulmates" that God has given me...that I would be ok if I simply had the time, energy, ability to express what's going on in my life and in my heart. As I'm writing, I'm struck by how many people there are that I could actually do this with, but I immerse myself in being busy and wind up being so tired that it seems like work and it seems like a risk to expose some of those private and fragile thoughts. This must add to that feeling of being "alone".

I lift my eyes up in times like this, and I ask "where are you." Less of a question, more of a demand. "God, make your presence known to me when I need it." Not because I am seeking His will, not because I am finding time in His presence, but because I have a need, because I feel alone.

It is times like today, where I need to just stop, and be silent, to thank the Lord for those people who are blessings in my life. To reach out to others, and seek to find their loneliness and their hearts. How can I expect my own cup to be filled, if I do not pour out what little I have?